Do you believe in fate?
Do you know why something happened to you?
Have you ever woke up on the
dead of the night, can’t sleep again and start thinking, why some things can
happened? Why this happened? Why that happened? What’s the reason behind
something?
In a middle of the night, random thought caught you.
No, you are not sleep or feeling sleepy, just you, the
silent in the night, your devices, and a faint sound of a music from the
headphones.
Your mind start to drifting away, random thought.
First you just contemplate, what had you done in the past,
what had you achieved, what had you lose, the peoples who come onto your life,
the people who went from your life (temporarily or eternally). You just smile,
thinking about what happened, but your eyes are empty, just an empty hole.
As the night goes on and your mind slowly drifting away
further.
You recollecting you memory from the past, the mistake you made,
what it cost you? Did it cost something dearly to you? Or you just glad that
happened? So you can separate yourself from some form of toxic.
Is it worth for you?
You are thinking about reconciliation. Repairing your
relationship with someone that hurt by you or you hurt them. Thinking the way
to apologizing, making a scenario in your head, because you didn’t want the
person misinterpreted your apologize, but you just scared, you scared maybe
they still hold grudges against you, maybe they cannot open they heart again
because you hurt them so bad and it leaving a trauma for them.
You are now collecting your thought, drinking some water
besides your bed, you lit up a cigarette, as the cigarette burns, you inhale the
smoke from it, feeling it in your lungs, as you hurting yourself with the
nicotine and other toxic from it, but your mind start to clear up a bit.
You started to thinking about your future, what will happen
next? What the universe will bring to you, you are scarred.
You are scarred because your plan didn’t work out, you are
out of schedule, you are late.
You started to plan something new, but you don’t now how
that will end, what if that plan didn’t work out well? What if that plan failed?
What will it cost you?
Morning comes, your thought is fading away.
You started to think about what you had now, your friends, and
family, maybe your significant others.
You started to feeling like usual again as the sun comes
out, but cold breeze still linger, as you know, later this night, and the next
night, and the next other night, the thought will comeback haunting you again.
You are a hollow, with a mask in a daylight, no one know you,
you know you had someone to depends, to ask for help, but in the end, you just
alone, confined, alone, tortured by silence, alone, and you know that
loneliness will never end.
And death, just a beginning of an eternal loneliness.